Tis the season of marriages...a lot of people I know and who are close to my age are getting married ...or getting engaged and they seem to be perfectly happy to walk down that road. I for one am absolutely frightened to even think about it...not that marriage is monstrous or anything (and I am not getting any younger). You can feel ready for something as major as that only when the other aspects of your life are a litte settled and patternised. Mine is so far a day to day existence and all efforts to steady anything have not worked...so far. But I really do appreciate the people who have the courage to take that leap.
I had a friend in college, who for the entire period I knew him (which is two years) couldnt wait to get married..and he is now. But the urge lasting for two years is a something of a record in terms of persistence.
In the Indian context, once you reach 26 or 27 years of age, then there is the inevitable push from parents to get married and settled down. Why parents, any relative or friend you meet always has to ask 'When are you getting married' and your celibacy is the chosen topic for amusing discussions at social gatherings. The Indian fixation on all things marriage does get quite ridiculous at times. You may venture out to say that you are not ready for it yet, but you will be hammered back with one thousand reasons from all and sundry on why you 'absolutely must' get married. Add the ecstasy that parents get in finding a bride for their sons by way of an arranged marriage, and you make a very inhospitable environment for a 26 year old who does not want to get married.
Dowry adds to the jamboree of madness, and parents expect untold riches to come into the family alongwith a milky white bride. Its a big thing in my state, even among the well educated people. Of course its been dehorned and recharacterised as parents gifting their daughter for her well being in her future life. I used to think that dowry was a big evil growing up, but now I dont know. Is it as evil when the girl's parents willingly give her wealth and there is no coercion from the part of the the groom or his family? I have elaborated on the evile of dowry to my elders several times and one of the interestig answers that I have got is, 'Is it that the girl child is not entitled to the wealth of her parents? Is it only meant for the male child'. The moral dilemna continues..
The Indian psyche, I have felt, is somewhat bent towards displaying affluence and showing up your brethren. And marriages are a perfect conduit for such displays. Everything about it has to be large scale and better than the next one, be it the bride, the dowry, the reception, the ceremony or even the wedding invitations. Its more a celebration of your money rather than a celebration of love.
And in these interesting times, we trudge along the beaten path, trying to find our place....
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