The break up

Well I am not regular blogger..so what ..no one reads it anyway..my girlfriend reads it ocassionally, maybe she will read this...well she is my ex-girlfriend now...she broke up with me...Now after everything has happened, I realise my folly and I drove her away by my actions. Now I am begging her to come back, but she will have none of it..I feel like I have lost everything and she was the last good thing in my life. Too bad I did not recognize this earlier, it could have been so different..We had an epic relationship spaning over two and a half years and by my count seven to eight breakups. Most of them were instigated by me, over some stupid reason or the other that I would dream up, and I would tell her and break her heart with it. No matter how hard I tried, I could not stay away and I always came back under some pretext or the other. Now she is gone...and I realise she was everything to me. The chances of my winning her back are very slim...she just sees me as this needy and desperate person, she sees me as a friend who is going through a tough break up. She feels she has to be there as a friend to help me through this difficult time. If only i would have done things differently...I have managed to break my own heart

I try telling her that all the times I broke up with her, I came back. So she owes me one chance at least so that I can make one last try. But alas, she is much more resolute than me and her mind is practically made up. I wish there was some way for me to fight, but there doesnt seem to be. My world has diminished to pointless reminiscing and wishing things were different. I dont know where to go from here. I dont think I am strong to claw myself out of this hole. Hurting and punishing myself seems to have become a passtime of mine..in every which way.