Pin Up

Pin up girl from one of the high street fashion mags. Black Ink on paper.

So the job search over a long time has finally come to fruition. It would not have been possible without the help of my ex (or ex-in-doubt, or ex-mulling-over-it or current-pending-decision - Hope its the latter). Now it is left to me to manage a clean break from my current masters to the new ones. But I am looking forward to the new experience and the new learning it will bring. I have decided to not be hung up on where I am vis-a-vis others, but rather to enjoy the job and everything else life brings as it comes. My ex is a great example of that principle.

Only thing is I am still hung up on her, that doesnt seem to change. She speaks to me now and is generally in a better mood than she used to be with me. Obvously I am worried that whatever I do, I cannot compare with the excitement and sparks of a new relationship.

I have asked myself the question, this is your first relationship anyway, so what if it did not work out, why not move on find something new. This will count as experience for the next time. I tried but this line of thought is not easy..for one I cant think of anyone else in place of her (she's kind of perfect in her own ways). Secondly, for the first time in life I know what I want to do with life. I want to settle down, to have kids, to travel places ..(not get a big job, earn lots of money, have a big house)...I want all those things, and then it always feels like a subtext...that I want to do these with her...Sigh.

But if comes down to a clean break from her as well, then I guess there is no alternative but to move on. We have to make our peace with that.

Women...living with them is hard work, but then being without them is even harder. There are so many little wheels, cogs and subconcsious undercurrents that you can never be sure that you understand them. They will say they want something, but really that is not enough. You have to be able to exceed her expectations, to be creative and to show that you really care. You try to probe what they are feeling and you just feel overwhelmed and lost in the complexity of their thoughts. Kudos to guys who are 'plugged' in to what their significant other really feels.

But all the glitches, misfires and subsequent heartbreaks later...the good moments are so worth it..Thats why we keep coming back.